Why Does Trauma Cause Self-Destructive Behaviors?

By Dr. Betsy Usher

When we are talking about childhood trauma we are talking about abuse: emotional, psychological, physical, sexual, spiritual.

When children go through abuse they are covertly given messages from the abusers. These messages go like this:

You are worthless

You are unlovable

You are incapable

You are crazy

Your body and mind are not connected

You are unsafe

You can not trust anyone, including yourself

You are bad/evil/a burden

The child does not consciously know they believe these feelings when they are young, all they know is they feel this way and it is the only truth they know.

There isn’t even a possibility that these labels that have been forced onto them could be by problematic people who are unhealthy, mentally ill, and pathological. Instead the child believes it is them who is bad, we call this the burden of badness.

The child’s relationship to their body has been tampered with. They do not know what they feel, as they have not been taught how to label their emotions, and they do not understand how to control what they feel in a productive, healthy, and meaningful way. They are suffering tremendously and all they know is they don’t want to feel this way.

The abuser has carefully manipulated and brainwashed the child into believing they are at fault for the abuse, which the child doesn’t even label as abuse. Instead they label it as I am bad, I am worthless and I deserve punishment. This is where self-destructive behaviors come into the picture.

Self-destructive behaviors are basically, purposeful actions that a person takes which harms their body, mind, and soul. This can be drug use, putting one’s self in unsafe situations (taking a car ride from a stranger), physically damaging their bodies (cutting, burning, self mutilation), taking risks that put them in life or death situations, ect.

Now each person has a different motto in their unconscious mind that drives these behaviors. Such as: I deserve punishment, I want someone to notice me and care, I want to prove I’m alive, I am worthless and who gives a fuck, and this feels way better than being abused and takes away my pain.

Majority of the time the person is not aware for a very long time that their actions or self destructive. They don’t see them as unsafe or damaging. They see these actions as a way to live, feel, hide, escape, and or punish their “bad” self.

Let’s take cutting for an example. This child may have been neglected, physically abused, and emotionally/psychologically manipulated.

They feel invisible, unseen, not heard, not respected, and all they feel is pain.

The first time they go to cut they wonder what it will feel like to hurt themselves just like their abuser has done; they carry out the abuse themselves now and have some control over it.

They go to punish themselves and also to see if anyone will notice and care. Maybe someone does, most likely no one does. The next time this person feels emotionally dysregulated (flight or fight, triggered, flashback) they remember they have some control over their pain; they can inflict it on themselves and punish themselves for feeling an emotion they believe they shouldn’t have. This is what their abuser brainwashed them into believing; their feelings are wrong.

This time it feels somewhat relieving. They have control, power, they can handle the pain, they are strong, they dissociate and float away, suffering is temporary in their control and relieved.

It then becomes and addiction to deal with feelings they believe they shouldn’t be having.

Drug Addiction:

Drug addiction and trauma go hand in hand. You will never find someone that struggles regulating drugs that did not have childhood trauma, ever.

This is the ultimate freedom from feelings; euphoria and dopamine (pleasure/motivation neurotransmitter).

To them it’s not self destructive to them they actually get to feel the relief of suffering. They don’t plan on becoming dependent or addicted that just happens because it becomes their way of escaping the flashbacks, triggers, the emotions they believe they shouldn’t have.

No one taught these children how to manage feelings. They are working with what they got which was a whole lot of nothing.

In drugs, they find peace and because their radar for danger and being unsafe is off due to the abuse they don’t think through the repercussions of a forever-damaged dopamine system. They only have this moment to live through and live through they must. They are fighters and want to be good, drugs make them feel good, connected to others, and less lonely.

See, they don’t have the same mindset of a child that was raised without abuse. They don’t realize in the beginning what they are doing is going to further their trauma, they are just looking for a quick way out because the feeling of suffering is all they know and it’s too much for a child/teenager/adult to bare. They are just trying to survive with this deep internal critic that hounds them hourly. It’s a minute-by-minute survival strategy.