We have gotten so used to living in fear in our world that we don’t even notice nervous system changes altering us to danger. Then we behave in a way that comes from a dysregulated place and we will have regrets over our choices. 

If every time our nervous system alters us and we ignore it by distractions including drugs we are telling our body to shut up. “I don’t want to hear it. Shhh be quiet, you’ll make too much noise.” 

Then when we stop taking drugs to quiet our nervous system we have no idea how to navigate such intense physical and emotional fear that comes up. We think “omg” something is wrong with me. We panic even more. We go back to taking drugs to feel normal. But our nervous system is not the enemy. There is no enemy right now. No danger. You’re safe.

But the amount of thoughts that fly through our brains in a few minutes can change the nervous system to think there is a threat. We have to recognize that fear feeling so we need to be sober, we need to not be afraid of it so we face it, then we need to work with it and understand it so we know to find peace again. 

Using drugs to cope can look extremely different between men and women as well as the substance of choice. The reason we use substances varies for each person, however mostly it’s a way to feel safer in an unsafe world that stems from childhood trauma. Period.

Some people drink after work, some people throughout the day, some people binge and then stop for a few days and then go back slowly until they binge again. Substances like opioids are usually a daily, hourly use experience. Cocaine can be daily or here and there but the person is thinking about it often. Benzo’s are usually a daily use as well but can be taken here and there. 

For women being oppressed by the patriarchy and experiencing abuse from childhood and in adulthood creates the correct conditions to use substance.

This enables the survivor to keep surviving with a haze over her eyes so she can sit back a little and cope with the trauma. Women usually keep their substance use to themselves and their addiction a deep secret. There is more shame associated with women being addicts then men and therefore women tend to be quiet about what they use and how often. 

Men tend to show up in a more overt way of using in front of each other and women. Men are on top of the patriarchy and are “allowed” to show up more entitled to use substances. Many men do this to bond together, to disappear from troubles and burdens, and to “have fun.”